Are you in need of a good laugh? Do you want to cheer someone up? We’ve got you covered with our list of funny sayings and quotes. And for more ridiculously funny material, be sure to check out our list of epic senior quotes as well.
There’s nothing more miraculous to ease the tension than a good joke. A shared sense of humor can turn strangers into friends within a couple of minutes.
“A carpenter walks into a bar, goes to the barkeeper, holds up three fingers and says, “Five beers for the sawmill, please.”
Unknown
If you ever find yourself in an uncomfortable position, humor is the way to get yourself out of it quickly. It can come quite handy to memorize a couple of humorous one-liners or witty comebacks in all kinds of situations.
But not all funny sayings and jokes are the same. While some of them are hilarious and ingenious, others are just childish or plain old.
That’s where the following list comes in. It will help you to always come up with something witty to say even in the most unusual situations.
86 Funny Sayings and Quotes to Make You Laugh
Digging up some of the funniest jokes on the Internet is not easy. To save you from all of this tiring work, we scoured the World Wide Web for hours to create the definite collection of funny sayings.
Enjoy reading!
Here are some of the best funny sayings of all time
1.
“You wouldn’t believe how shocked people are when they find out that I’m not an electrician.”
2.
“My wife thinks I’m a control freak. Why would she write such a nasty thing in her diary?”
3.
“I don’t know much about Switzerland but its flag is a big plus.”
4.
“My wife told me that I‘m childish and immature. Can you believe that? I told her to get out of my fortress immediately.”
5.
“I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”
Jack Handey
6.
“Parallel lines have much in common.”
7.
“Why does a Scrabble player throw letters onto the road? He tries to find out what the word is on the streets.”
8.
“Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.”
Steve Martin
9.
“Patent: Well Doctor, everywhere I touch myself, it hurts.
Doctor: Have you checked if your finger is broken?”
10.
“Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.”
Terry Pratchett